Diego pulled into the Blue Corn Brewery and Café’s parking lot.
“This restaurant looks like some giant made a building model out of clay,” Dirty Dog said as they walked in. “Do you have any of them soapy pillows?” he asked the hostess as they were escorted to a table.
“Soapy pillows?” the hostess asked and then laughed, “Oh, sopaipillas. Yes. Your waiter will get them for you.” She handed them each a menu, and then walked away shaking her head saying, “Soapy pillows, ha, that’s funny.”
A tall, well-tanned waiter, wearing a black shirt and black apron strolled to the table. “Someone here wants some soap on their sopaipillas?” He broke into a big smile. “I wouldn’t recommend that. It would make you foam at the mouth.”
Diego and Audra burst out laughing. Dirty Dog’s mouth contorted as if trying to decide whether to cringe or smile. The waiter bent down and stared at Dirty Dog. His shoulders dropped and his ears would have, too, if he were really a dog.
“I’m Tim,” the waiter said. “They are pronounced, so pie pee uz. Can you say that?”
Dirty Dog inhaled and forced a smile. “Soapy, I mean pie. Oh, what the hell, we just want some whatever they’re called.” Dirty Dog’s face blushed.
“How many would you like?” Tim asked.
“Six please,” Audra said.
“And what would you like to drink? We have some award-winning beers.” He side-glanced over to Dirty Dog. “They are easier to pronounce.”
Diego leaned closer to Audra and pointed to the craft beers on the menu. “I’m getting the oatmeal stout. It a gold medal winner in 2016.”
“I’ll try the End of the Trail Brown Ale,” Audra said. “It’s an award winner, too.”
“And for you?” Tim asked Dirty Dog.
“I was just gonna have a Bud.”
“In an award-winning craft brewery?” Tim asked, putting his hand on his chest, as his eyebrows rose in a feigned shock.
“Well, whatcha got that tastes as good as a Bud?” Dirty Dog asked, regaining his composure.
“Everything here is far better than a Bud. Since you are obviously a man with discerning taste, allow me to recommend, Impetuous IPA. It won a bronze medal in the North American Beer awards.”
“Sure. Fine. Whatever. I’ll try it.”
“Fine choice,” Tim said. “I’ll be right back with your beers.” He bent down to look Dirty Dog in the eye. He spoke slowly, exaggerating his words. “I will put in your order for so pie pee uz.” He winked at Diego and Audra and walked away.
Dirty Dog sat up straight. “That Tim waiter guy.” Dirty Dog cocked his head and pursed his lips. “I don’t know whether to like him or put him on my voodoo doll pin stabbing list.”
Diego threw his head back laughing.
Dirty Dog’s face tightened; his nose flared. “What’s so funny, Mister Smarty Pants?”
“I wished I had a camera. The look on your face when Tim asked you to pronounce sopaipilla.”
“Oh yeah?” Dirty Dog jutted out his chin and pulled his shoulders back. “Your face is pretty funny looking with that pubic hair you call a beard.”
Tim arrived at the table. He gave Audra her beer first and then he gave Diego his. He leaned in close to Dirty Dog as he handed him his beer. “Here is the Impetuous IPA for the man with the discerning taste,” Tim said. “I couldn’t help overhearing the end of your conversation and your description of your friend’s beard.”
“He’s not my friend. He’s my brother-in-law.” Dirty Dog slouched and he looked down at the table.
Tim stood tall. “Please taste your Impetuous IPA and let me know if it pleases your palate,” he said. “I’m from the Navajo Nation. Let me tell you a small part from our Creation Story about First Man and First Woman. Would that be alright?”
Audra nodded and said, “Yes, we’d love to hear it.”
“When the Creator Spirits finished making First Man and First Woman out of clay, they placed a turquois rod for the man and a conch shell for the woman. ‘They are perfect,’ they said to each other. ‘But how will we get them to be attracted to each other?’ they asked. Coyote Spirit, who was one of the Creator Spirits, stepped forward. He pulled out some of his beard hair and made it their pubic hair. The other Creator Spirits were delighted. ‘Now they are so beautiful. How will we ever keep them apart?’ Tim leaned in close to Dirty Dog. “So, you see, my discerning friend, when you tell your brother-in-law that his beard looks like pubic hair, you are telling him that he is so beautiful.”
Diego’s mouth stretched wide. “That’s a great story!” he said.
Dirty Dog narrowed his eyes and then burst out laughing. “Now don’t go get big headed. There ain’t no way your ugly mug is beautiful.” He took a sip of his beer. “And I take back what I said about your beard looking like pubic hair. Cuz it ain’t pretty.”
