“You’re
so handsome,” she says.
Her
words slap my face
With
a soft furry boa
That
has wasp stingers at the end.
Dark
clouds cover the smiling blue sky.
Rain
pours its dissatisfaction
On
my head, dripping, dripping, dripping
Onto
the mirror on the floor
That
I step on whenever
Disappointment
and failure join
Their
eyes like hands
To
throw the mud of ridicule
Filled
with pebbles that shout
In
a million tiny voices
“She’s
just saying that to be nice.
You
know it’s not true.”
She
bends closer to my face.
Her
hand reaches up and around my neck.
Her
eyes cut deep into mine,
Turning
me to stone.
“Why do you insult me?
I
give you my truth, my love.
But
your eyes raise their shields.
Your
lips twist like vines,
Struggling
to climb over an invisible wall.
Do
you think I am lying to you?
I
am telling you my truth
Giving
you a precious gift.”
I
stand naked,
Feeling
exposed in front of an audience,
Not
knowing how to respond,
Not
wanting to ruin
The
moment just before
She
said, “You’re so handsome.”
She
presses her lips to mine,
Pulling
me against her breast,
Wrapping
her arms around me and
Whispering
in my ear,
“When
you look at a litter of puppies
Or
a bouquet of roses,
You
don’t see any ugly.
You
only see their beauty.
Where
did you get the idea
That
you are not handsome?
Where
did you get the idea
That
you know what is beautiful to me?”
She
takes me to a mirror.
We
both look at our reflection.
She
squeezes my hand
Sending
warm bouquets and puppies.
Her
rain sprinkled voice
Requests,
“Repeat after me:
I
am beautiful to her
I
am beautiful to me
We
are beautiful together.”
My
head bends down.
Her
fingers lift my chin.
Fear
grips my throat
And
binds a strap around my stomach.
Astonishingly,
my repeating,
“I
am beautiful to her,
I
am beautiful to me,
We
are beautiful together,”
Breaks
fear’s grip,
Splashes
a smile across my face,
And
bubbles me up
With
the happy
Effervescence
of acceptance.
