Asian Doll

Asian Doll

By Mushroom Montoya

 

I stared in horror as she ripped the black hair

Off the top of Yurri’s head.

I ran to stop her

As she scrawled and scratched Yurri’s face

With a black permanent marker.

 

My heart hurt watching her do

What I recognized all too well.

Our daughter’s tears ran

Across her cheeks, down her face, onto the floor.

 

She looked up at me,

Wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

She grabbed her Asian doll by the arm

And tossed her against the wall.

 

“Why can’t I be blond and have blue eyes

Like Aunt Holly?

Blue eyes like my friends at school?

White skin like mom?

 

I picked Yurri off the floor,

And carried her tenderly back to our daughter.

“Look, I think Yurri’s crying.

She is beautiful like you.”

 

“No! She’s not!” Our daughter whimpered

“She’s ugly.

She has slanty brown eyes,

And straight black hair.

Just like me.”

 

I place our daughter on my lap

I held Yurri up for her to see.

“Her eyes are beautiful,

Like yours and mine.”

 

“No!” she cried “They're not!

Their ugly like me.”

I lifted her chin

“I have eyes like you,

Mine are brown and beautiful, too.”

 

“But you’re a dad,

You’re a man.

I’m a girl.

I’m ugly.”

 

I cried inside

Knowing all too well

What she was going through:

 

Being the only one,

Being the other one,

Being the different one,

Being the dark skinned one.

 

I picked Yurri up,

And give her a kiss.

“Yurri doesn’t know why

You don’t like her.

 

Maybe she just needs someone to love her

So, she won’t be alone,

Like the way I love you,

So, you and I won’t be alone.”

 

Our daughter cried.

She buried her tears

Deep in my chest.

 

Many years later our daughter said,

“Look! Isn’t he beautiful.”

As she handed me her baby.

 

“Yes,” I cried, tears flowing down

As I held our grandson

With his slanted brown eyes,

His straight black hair.

 

Who knew she would want to go?

Go back to Korea,

Back to her birth,

To reclaim her beauty.

 

Back to find a handsome young man

Who looked like her,

With straight black hair

And beautiful dark brown eyes.

Included in the anthology, Los Angeles Poets for Justice