Alone In a Crowd on Xmas 1992

Our son, Jeremy, was hit on his motorcycle on the 17th of October 1992. He died on the 23^rd. 

That Christmas I walked the malls trying to find Xmas gifts for Denise, my spouse. The malls were packed with  happy-go-lucky people and I felt so alone.

The light in my eyes drips out
As I put one foot in front of the other.
My ears cringe to the sound of
Too happy voices basket balling
Against the shopping mall walls,
Along with their tippy-tappy thunking
Of new shoes slapping
The shopping mall floor.
They carry their packages,
These throngs of people stampeding,
Unaware that their grins are impeding
And biting the heels of my broken heart.
Their bodies swarm around me.
They grate like teeth against me
With their cruel laughter and
Haunting grins.
Their words collide
With my world that’s died
Deep Inside Of me.
I want to go home.
But first I must roam
In this damn shopping mall
Looking for a Christmas present
For my spouse who is usually so pleasant.
I can’t find my wand
That magically turns back time.
Back to before, Long before
Our son had died
The light in my eyes drips out
As I put one foot in front of the other
My ears cringe to the sound of
Much too happy voices 

Laughing together.
I want to run.
I want to hide
Away from the fact
That our son has died.